Over Coming Love
by Uniasus
Summary: Love is such a pure thing, Albus felt terrible for twisting and tainting the emotion


**Note: **Takes place the same night as the Potter's death.

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><p><span>Over Coming Love<span>

_By Uniasus_

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><p>Severus had never had the skill to be a good actor. His face was too expressionate, the muscles reacting to his actual emotions and not the ones he wanted to display. He had tried smiling when angry, sad, bored. It didn't work. He had tried frowning when he was actually enthusiastic and interested. That didn't work either.<p>

But while he couldn't portray the emotion he wanted to, he could portray none at all.

Not that it helped with the bullying he encountered at school. On his first day of Hogwarts the bullies discovered how easy it was to get a reaction out of him, and a like sugar addicted witch who kept digging her hand into a bag of licorice wands throughout the day one taste wasn't enough for the Gryffindors. They came back, day after day, year after year, to pick on him and force his facial muscles to react to his shame and embarrassment.

His seventh year was different, determined to stop the bullying, determined to not portray emotion he took to walking around the school with the blank look of disdain he was known for. Severus would have liked to say it reduced his bullying, but the real reason simply was that James and his friends had mostly lost interest in him.

Apparently, his hard learned skill meant he was good at the mind arts. Legilimacy and Occulmancy were easy to grasp once he had a control on not showing his emotions. It's what brought him to the Dark Lord's sharp attention, though he had joined while younger.

But it was his skills that allowed him to not portray emotion that he was most fond of. It allowed him to be a double agent, to appear as stone when he heard of the plan to attack Lily's family.

Now though, now he wanted to cry. And after of such a long time of bottling his emotions, of hiding them from the world, the tears wouldn't come. He was just staring at his reflection in his rooms at Hogwarts, looking for a trace of salt water at the corner of his eyes, and failing.

There was a soft knock on his door, despite the late hour. Severus guessed that Albus had just returned from the tasks tonight had forced him to do, and Albus just knew in that way he always did that Severus would still be up.

Without waiting for an answer, Albus opened the door and stepped inside. There was bottle of fire whisky in his hand.

For a moment they just stared at each other, Severus sitting at his small vanity (which he used to store potion ingredients) and Albus standing just inside the closed door.

Being a commander in the war that had just ended, Albus wasn't above using people. He'd done it countless times and if given another chance would do it all again. It had gotten them to tonight, the Halloween everyone would remember as the night when Voldemort was defeated. But that didn't mean he didn't feel guilty over what he had done. And Severus was one he felt the most guilty over. He had used his love for Lily Evans Potter, used such a pure and powerful emotion, to coax the younger man to become a double agent and put his life on the line every second forthe past few years.

What a terribly powerful thing love was.

And he was tainted for twisting it.

By all rights, Albus should have let love run it's course. Let Lily fade from Severus's favor, allow the man's feelings to mute and perhaps attach to another witch. But it was love that had enticed him to switch sides, and Severus's role was important. So he had purposely not allowed Severus to forget Lily. Had slipped snippets of her life into their conversations. Had highlighted the ways in which Harry looked like his mother.

And now this love, which had such a slim chance of being reciprocated considering Lily's status as a married witch, had no chance at all of being shared because Lily had been murdered hours earlier.

Severus had gone to the house, had broken down and cried, and to be honest that's how Albus had expected to find him still. But when Severus had left Godric's Hollow his face had been the look he had gathered a reputation for. A snide sneer that his face just naturally slid into when he repressed his emotions. A sneer that still sat on his feature, even if there was the ghost of tears in his eyes.

Albus set the bottle on the desk, the soft _chunk_ as it hit the wood startling in the silence.

"Maybe, this is a good thing."

Severus eyes widened with shock. And maybe a bit of betrayal. Albus had cultivated this relationship after all.

"What do you mean by that?" he had quickly gained control and was now looking at the headmaster through narrowed eyes.

Albus conjured two glasses and set to pouring the whiskey.

"I mean," he said offering a glass to the potions master, "that now that the war is over we have entered a new world and perhaps that is a cue to start fresh."

Severous tipped back the glass and swallowed it all before holding it out for refill. Albus poured it. And three more.

Any other man would have been lamenting his position, crying or cursing about how cruel life was and swearing to get revenge. He might have broken something due to accidental magic even. But Severus just sat there, staring at the floor while Albus sipped his second glass and started at the younger man.

It must be hard, knowing there was no one to get revenge on. Thought to be honest, Albus had no idea who Severus would blame. Voldermort? James? Himself? Or maybe Albus for not letting him forget Lily before now?

"I know," Severus began, slowly so as not to slur his words, "that telling Lily I was a double agent would have ruined things. But I wish she had known I helped her, still loved her. Or that I had at least hinted something, for her to think on from time to time."

"You could tell her son, when he's here."

"No!" The venom in Severus's voice surprised Albus. The igniting of the vanity however didn't. Really, it was about time. Albus put it out with a wave of his hand.

"I don't care for her son, he's part James."

"He's part Lily too."

"He looks more like his father, and thus will be more like him. There is no way to duplicate what Lily had, not through blood or magic."

Albus sighed. "I'm not suggesting that Harry will, or even could replace her. But he might help you get over your loss."

As an answer, Severus downed another shot. At this point, he couldn't balance and was weaving dangerously in his seat. Albus caught him, and decided that enough was enough. It was time to get his college into bed.

"Up we go," he said softly, putting the potion teacher's arm around his neck and making his way to the connected bedchamber.

Along the way, Severus started composing a poem about Lily. "Eyes that burned like fire whiskey, hair as brilliant as a phoenix". Not the best, and Albus could only just make out words with all the slurring.

He waved his wand and the covers rolled back. Gently, he laid Severus down on the mattress and moved down his body to take off his boots. That down, he manually brought the covers up to the younger man's chin. Severus's hand caught his wrist.

"I, I heard," he licked his lips, "that the best way to get over someone is to be under someone else. Help me, please?"

Albus hesitated. He should say no, but Severus looked so pitiful lying there in a depressed drunken state. And there was a small bit of hope in his eyes, that Albus could make the pain go away. But he couldn't, not really. All he could be was a numbing, forgetful drug for a single night. It wouldn't help come tomorrow morning, it might even be detrimental. But Severus eyes were pleading with him so much, and Albus hated not helping someone when he could.

"Okay," he whispered, climbing onto the bed.

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><p><strong>AN: **And that's essentially it. This fic was born out of a crack idea when a bunch of friends and I went to Ihop, and watching an episode of Rookie Blue. The idea wouldn't go away. But as I was writing, I realized I couldn't personally write these too together as a couple. It just grates on my nerves and I couldn't bring myself to write anything other than platonic interactions between the two of them. Maybe one day I'll write a second chapter that deals with the aftermath of this night, but as of now - nope. This is all you're getting. Sorry if that bugs you, but I'm pulling the Author Card.


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